Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Making life a little easier...

It's almost time for my little one to arrive...his due date is September 30, but I'm pretty sure we'll have him a little sooner based on his current size (almost 8lbs). With that in mind, I decided to put together a little list of things that will help him, (and ultimately you all) get through life a little easier. Some words of wisdom if you will...enjoy!!

**Mow against the grain. I promise…it’ll look better that way.

**When going for a cold drink, keep this in mind…canned drinks on average are 3 degrees colder than bottled drinks.

**Don’t step in the shower with your socks on…it’s just ruin your day.

**If you are watching a drive in movie in a truck, bring along a chair…the ruts in your truck bed will leave you sore for a week.

**If you are watching a drive in movie in a car, clean your windshield first. That onscreen kiss will look a lot better without a dead fly smeared all over the actors faces.

**Diet Dr. Pepper does not taste anything like regular Dr. Pepper, so leave it on the shelf. You’ll be much happier with yourself if you do.

**Always keep your receipts. The one time you will throw away a receipt will be the one time you need to return something.

**Research big ticket items before you buy them. You can learn a lot from product reviews by customers and professionals, and in the end, it’ll be worth it as you will have an item you are happy with.

**If it’s just you eating supper alone, you probably don’t need the large pizza “just in case”. You could do with the medium and still have some left over for tomorrow.

**No matter where you are at, always try to find a good isle seat. It’ll save you lots of trouble and you will not make nearly as many people mad if you have to get up and “excuse yourself” in the middle of the game, show or sermon.

**If you are going to talk on the phone in public, just use the phone, not the earpiece. It makes you look like a doof who talks to invisible people and belongs in an asylum. With restraints. Just trying to help you out here.

**If you are quite sure that a person doesn’t know what they are talking about, don’t argue with them or try to correct them. It’ll only make it worse. Just say “uh huh” and move on.

**Knock before opening a closed door. Especially if it’s a bathroom door.

**Always make sure you have enough gas to get you where you are going. If you don’t have enough, don’t go. The side of the road is not a fun place to be. Especially after dark.

**Don’t drink Mountain Dew right before you go to bed.

**If you go to rent a movie, don’t rent one you’ve never heard of. There are reasons you’ve never heard of those movies.

**The shortest lane at the grocery store will not always be the one to get you out the quickest.

**Never be the first person to volunteer in a group. You’ll only wind up with embarrassment.

**When deciding on a movie to watch, you can never, ever go wrong with a Die Hard movie.

**Never put your socks on in the dark. It doesn’t matter if they are both white. They will still end up not matching and being two different colors when you get to work.

**As old as the saying is, it is still true…nothing in life is free. Ever.

**If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. Move forward with extreme caution. You are more than likely about to get ripped off.

**An empty mailbox is a good mailbox.

**If you have a favorite shirt, don’t dry it in the dryer. Let it hang dry, otherwise your favorite shirt will shrink and have trouble fitting a midget. If you are looking for baby clothes however…

**Don't buy anything being sold over the phone.

**If you want to take a girl to a picnic on a date, make sure you don't take along food that needs cooked. (First hand experience there)

**Don't worry about the's much more fun to play in the rain, no matter how old you are.

**Don't go through the express lane if you have more than 15 items. If you do, everyone at the store will hate you. Even if they don't see you do it, they will know. Somehow. And hate you all the same.

**Let faster golfers play through. (If your like me, you'll have to)

**Don't go to the store on the 1st or the 15th of the month. Ever.

**Furthermore, don't go to the store until at least a month after Christmas. Those people are brutal.

**Speaking of Christmas, if you are looking for a Christmas movie to watch, you can never go wrong with Clark Griswold or Ralphie Parker.

**I'm leaving this space blank for anything else I might think of.

There you have it!! I've spent all day coming up with these "Philipisms" so jot them down, and remember them...maybe they'll make a difference, and maybe they'll just make you laugh, but either way, enjoy life.

I can't wait to meet you son.

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